Gospel. Women. Everyone.

Not for nothing is Isaiah referred to as the fifth Gospel. Listen to this (and I do mean listen--read it out loud and hear yourself):

He has no form or comeliness; and when we see Him, there is no beauty that we should desire Him. He is despised and rejected by men, a Man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.

Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed. 

All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned, every one, to his own way; and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all. He was oppressed and He was afflicted, yet He opened not His mouth; He was led as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so He opened not His mouth. He was taken from prison and from judgment, and who will declare His generation? For He was cut off from the land of the living; for the transgressions of My people He was stricken.

And they made His grave with the wicked but with the rich at His death, because He had done no violence, nor was any deceit in His mouth. Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise Him; He has put Him to grief.

When You make His soul an offering for sin, He shall see His seed, He shall prolong His days, and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in His hand. He shall see the labor of His soul, and be satisfied. By His knowledge My righteous Servant shall justify many, for He shall bear their iniquities. 

Therefore I will divide Him a portion with the great, and He shall divide the spoil with the strong, because He poured out His soul unto death, and He was numbered with the transgressors, and He bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors. (Isaiah 53:2b-12)

I don't know about you, but sometimes I have trouble identifying with the crucifixion--an event that occurred not quite two thousand years ago, in a land I've never seen, to a person I've never seen. I do have trouble connecting with that emotionally, feeling its effect on my life.

To be brutally honest, I often have trouble seeing my value as a woman in the kingdom of God, and as an overseas worker I struggle with purpose. When other people get really excited about the nations, and Psalm 2, and Psalm 17, and so many other references to the nations' worshipping God, I have almost no emotional connection to that. I can't carry the burden of the nations--this heart isn't big enough. Heck, I can't bear the burden of the million+ people in my city.

"They" say that "whatever bugs you in the States will hippopotamus you overseas," and in the time I've been here in Mexico, I've definitely seen that. Isolation, frustration, and purposelessness have raised ugly, longstanding doubts out of the murky depths of my heart--questions like:

• Do you care if I'm happy?
• Do you actually care about me?
• Are you just wasting my life away from family and friends? Why?
• Do you actually want these people to be saved--and if so, what are you doing about it?
• Do I actually get to make choices in my life, or am I just trapped in this?
• How can I talk to people about a joy I'm not sure I feel?
• Why don't you just send someone else--someone male, married, qualified to train leaders and plant churches and talk to people, someone sinless and healthy and not so very broken?

Is that maybe a little too raw? I don't know. Part of me feels like a Christian shouldn't struggle with these questions, much less an overseas worker sent to represent the name of Jesus in another nation. But I do.

That's where I was this morning. I skipped church to spend some time complaining to God and crying and looking for answers. My reading started this morning in the Suffering Servant passage that begins at the end of Isaiah 52. As I said, I have a lately had hard time connecting emotionally with these things, which tends to make me feel like a failure as well. So reading Isaiah 53 and other such passages is often intimidating for me, because I feel like it should be profoundly affecting, and like something's wrong with me if it isn't.

Today I started praying through it as I was reading it, and writing it down with myself as part of the passage:

"Do you actually care about me, God? . . . The Lord's love for me is such that he has borne my griefs, sorrows, and rejection, been wounded for my evildoing and bruised for my rebellion, has been punished that I might have peace, and his welts have brought me healing and sanity. I chose what I wanted, went my own way, and God laid on his son my rebellion. He said, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?" so I wouldn't have to.

"He was silent under oppression and affliction, while I complain when I feel purposeless. There was no deceit in his mouth and no violence in his hands, but I plan deceit when I sin, because I don't want people to know. I heap sin over sin.

"His knowledge, our justification; our rebellion, his judgment.

"I walk around, talk to people, often so self-conscious, terrified that they'll guess or suspect how much I struggle with sin, that they'll see the real me, the ugly, leprous me; I feel naked and vulnerable in front of everyone. But I'm not. I'm so not. No one can uncover what God has covered. I am a new creation, but I live like the new creation is just a mask laid over the old, like a bad mask that doesn't actually cover the rot underneath. But I'm not rot underneath. I'm a new creation. I'm a saint in larval form."

Hebrews 7:25, one of my very favorite verses, says, "Wherefore He is also able to save to the uttermost them that come unto God by Him, seeing He ever liveth to intercede for them." That's what he does in Isaiah 53. He's a man of sorrows so that we don't have to be. He wore ugliness like a cloak, to bring us beauty. He was misunderstood so that we could live in his understanding of us. He carried our sorrows and our griefs to make life lighter on us. He identified with us so that he could trade places. And he still ended in glory and honor and righteousness and pleasure and satisfaction. He legitimately beat all of those other things.

It's good news, isn't it?

Want to see something really crazy? What's Isaiah 54 about? A woman. And what is God's first command to her? "Sing!"

The gospel comes, and who is the first person God talks to? Woman. Why is this important? Would it be audacious to say that maybe the woman is God's first priority in terms of the gospel? Maybe not!

What happens in the garden? Woman is created second, then woman is attacked, and then woman receives the consequences of sin. She's always second, lower, put down. And when we look at the world as it is, women receive less education, are more often the victims of violence and especially sexual violence, are more often the victims of human trafficking, are the victims of sex-selective abortions, are hurt, wounded, regularly put down, stripped naked for the pleasure of others, and are generally considered less-than, even in the church. Would it be odd, then, that the first chapter after the gospel in Isaiah is addressed to a woman?

What are some of the things God addresses when talking to this woman?

• Lack of children, and a desire to care for others--"Sing, O barren, you who have not borne! Break forth into singing and cry aloud, you who have not labored with child! For more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married woman, says the Lord" (54:1). The States might not particularly understand this, but most societies on the earth get the importance for a woman of having someone to care for, especially children. Not having children, to most of the world, means that there's something wrong with you. It's weird and maybe a curse. But God says there are children when there aren't any. He makes children for the childless, gives her honor.
• Descendants--"Enlarge the place of your tent, and let them stretch out the curtains of your dwellings; do not spare; lengthen your cords and strengthen your stakes. For you shall expand to the right and to the left, and your descendants will inherit nations, and make the desolate cities inhabited" (2-3). Generally, the property of the tents has belonged to men, and descendants have been counted after men. God here tells the woman that she will have descendants who will inherit nations and fill whole cities. 
• Disgrace and shame from her youth--"Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; for you will forget the shame of your youth . . ." (4a). If you chip away at pretty much any woman's facade, you will reach some area of shame--whether it is over appearance, over relationships, over rejection, or over how she's used herself--or been used--in the past. God says to the woman, "I will never shame you. You will forget how it felt to have someone shame you, because I won't ever do it."
• Widowhood--". . . and will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore. For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name; and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth" (4b-5). I read an article recently about polygamy in India, where this guy married two extra ladies so that someone would be around to carry the water needed for the house; the first wife couldn't do it alone. These two ladies were delighted to be married, because they were widows, and now they had honor back as married women. As widows, they lived under shame, couldn't even eat with their families because they were unclean. This is what women really deal with in parts of the earth. Yet the God of the whole earth has chosen women as his, to carry his name as their husband.
• Chosenness and calling--"For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, like a youthful wife when you were refused" (6). I am probably like every woman in that, deep within me, so deep I almost always bury it because it's just too vulnerable, I want someone to choose me over all others and stay with me, over all others, out of love. Any woman who's ever had a guy talk to her about relationships, engagement, marriage, etc., and then choose to actually do those things with another woman understands how this feels. It is a forsaken feeling, a grief of spirit. So God says, "I have called you like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit." This is gospel, is it not?
• Anger--"For a mere moment I have forsaken you, but with great mercies I will gather you. With a little wrath I hid My face from you for a moment; but with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you, says the Lord, your Redeemer. For this is like the waters of Noah to me; for as I have sworn that the waters of Noah would no longer cover the earth, so I have sworn that I would not be angry with you, nor rebuke you" (7-9). The same way we never wake up worried that the earth is suddenly going to flood and we're all going to die, we never have to worry about God's anger or rebuke. He's not a hitter, and he doesn't give the silent treatment. His love is perfect. He promises everlasting kindness. Gentleness and tenderness without fail.
• Steadfastness--"For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but My kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord, who has mercy on you" (10). God says that the hills will fall away before his kindness does, and that he makes a promise of peace with the woman. Why does someone make a promise? So that the other person will feel secure. 
• Security--"O you afflicted one, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems, and lay your foundations with sapphires. I will make your pinnacles of rubies, your gates of crystal, and all your walls of precious stones. All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children" (11-13). Every woman instinctively looks for security, beauty, and safety for her children. God promises all three. We move from the image of a tent in the first part of this chapter to a castle made of jewels--impregnable and beautiful. This world isn't secure for women. A 15-year-old girl here was raped and left for dead on her way home from school a few weeks ago. There's a reason we want security. Parents want security and safety for their kids. It's just not here in this world. This is why the gospel is so important. God really does promise it, and He provides it in changed hearts. People who really know Him don't treat other people as objects.
• Safety from oppression--"In righteousness you shall be established; you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear, and from terror, for it shall not come near you" (14). Like I've said, this isn't a safe world for women. Rape is a weapon of war, pretty much every time there is war. Look at Somalia. Look at the Yazidi women (and others) kidnapped by ISIS. I don't understand this impulse. Women and children are vulnerable, and God says, "I'm not like that." God offers distance from terror. This is comfort, and this is gospel.
• The judgment of others--"Indeed they shall surely assemble, but not because of Me. Whoever assembles against you shall fall for your sake. Behold, I have created the blacksmith who blows the coals in the fire, who brings forth an instrument for his work; and I have created the spoiler to destroy. No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn" (15-17a). Every woman has felt the lash of the tongue. Both men and women talk smack about women, and it hurts. But God gives the promise that the woman will be able to condemn the tongues that rise against her in judgment. People can talk about the woman's appearance or her actions, or they can spread lies, but there is an end to all that.
• Heritage and legacy--"This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is from Me, says the Lord" (17b). The woman also inherits as a servant of the Lord. The woman also gets righteousness.

Then in Isaiah 55 God opens the blessing up to everyone--and what beautiful promises there are in this passage. It's some of the most beautiful poetry in Scripture.

As I thought about today's reading, from Isaiah 53 and onward, I saw the following progression: gospel (53)--women (54)--everyone (55)-- foreigners and eunuchs (56:1-8). If this looks familiar, see the New Testament: gospel (crucifixion and resurrection)--women (immediately after the resurrection--they were the first people to see Jesus out of the tomb, and the first witnesses to the resurrection; and the main one was Mary Magdalene, a woman who apparently had no husband and who had had seven demons cast out of her--what would Isaiah 54 mean to her?)--everyone (Acts 1-7)--foreigners and eunuchs (Acts 8 and onward). 

Coincidence? I think not.

So where is my place as a woman in the kingdom of God? Somewhere in Isaiah 54. Somewhere in the resurrection. As a gospel-receiver and a gospel-giver, in line with my sisters back in the day, who were the first. Does God care if I'm happy? Yes. Is he wasting my life away? No. Why doesn't he send someone else? I have no idea, but there's a reason I'm here, as I am. Do I always have answers to all of these questions? No. But today I have what I need.

Thank you.

Out of the pit and back again

(Originally written May 9, 2015)
During my devotional time this morning I hit Psalm 40. It’s a familiar psalm, recognizable especially for the first three verses:

I waited patiently for the LORD, and He inclined to me, and heard my cry. He also brought me up out of a terrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps. He has put a new song in my mouth—praise to our God; many will see it and fear, and trust in the LORD. 

These verses ring out as beautifully triumphal—from the pit to the mountain stronghold, from desperation to praise.

David uses wonderful imagery to convey the depths of feelings he experiences during a low point of his life. The “terrible pit” is a sort of cistern. Years ago, I went to Yemen to visit a friend, and we went together to Thula, where I saw the town’s cistern. As an open-air water storage space basically at ground level, it was pretty horrible; scum floated over the surface, and it was a deep murky green color. We also went to Dar al Hajjar, the “House on the Rock,” a dwelling place of sheikhs for hundreds of years, and now a tourist attraction. At a certain floor of the house is a clear panel, looking down far into the depths below the house—its cistern. Likely this is more the sort of pit David is describing—a low place, in the dark, with a thick, viscous layer of scum at the bottom. This is the “miry clay.” We know that this kind of mud could get pretty awful; the clearest biblical description shows us that it took 30 men to hoist Jeremiah out of the muck of the king’s cistern. It was a trapping, cloying, sucking mud that left its victim suffocating and immobile in the darkness.

David sees his unnamed personal struggle in exactly these concrete terms. The poetry evokes feelings of helplessness, lostness, being forgotten, stuck, walled in, surrounded, in the dark, sinking, trapped and smothered, with no way out. Just these descriptions make my throat close up a little. No one knows what David is struggling with, and he feels forgotten.

God doesn’t forget David, however; instead He instead bends down, hears David’s cry, and descends to the pit to bring him up. God hears in the place of forgetting and reverses David’s situation. No longer waiting, David is free. His feet are on the mountain stronghold instead of stuck in the clay; his steps are established, now that he is out of the horrible pit. Instead of a cry for help, he has a new song in his mouth, praise to his God.

The psalm soars higher and higher as David reflects on God’s goodness, the incredible number not only of His works on our behalf, but also His thoughts toward us (4-5). He revels in the freedom of not having to come to God by good works, and he approaches God with delight (6-8). He steps out and shares who God is and what He has done. He can make an incredible claim: “I do not restrain my lips . . . I have not hidden Your righteousness in my heart; I have declared Your faithfulness and Your salvation; I have not concealed Your lovingkindness and Your truth from the great assembly” (9-10). This is the psalm’s crescendo. How many of us can say the same, without a twinge of doubt or worry about the people we haven’t spoken to, the opportunities we’ve missed, the times we haven’t been bold enough? What an incredible testimony!

Suddenly the psalm takes a turn. In verse 11, David pleads for God’s mercies. In verse 12 he says, “My iniquities have overtaken me, so that I am not able to look up; they are more than the hairs of my head; therefore my heart fails me.” Wait, what? What happened? How is David drowning again? The rest of the psalm has David seeking help and deliverance and fearing his enemies. He ends, “Let all those who seek You rejoice and be glad in You; let such as love Your salvation say continually, ‘The LORD be magnified!’ But I am poor and needy; yet the LORD thinks upon me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God” (16-17).

What has happened? Suddenly David is so ashamed that he can’t even pick his head up. He wallows in the guilt of uncountable sins. He feels he has to beg for mercy. He describes himself as “poor and needy.” He’s back in the pit, waiting again, right where he started.

I think this is a universal Christian experience, but it may be especially intense for ministry leaders, and, speaking from personal experience, it is definitely so for the foreign worker. The horrible isolation rings true; it is easy to feel forgotten in a foreign land, alone with the terrible responsibility of presenting a good testimony—perhaps the only testimony people may see. It’s a tremendous pressure, even if we’re not supposed to feel that way.

Sharing the gospel is a high; proclaiming who Jesus is, and seeing a glimmer of understanding in someone’s eye, provokes an incredible feeling of joy, awe, and humility at being included in God’s work to touch souls. The struggle with sin is incredibly intense in the midst of this. For me personally, last week I found myself having terrible, unwanted dreams. I woke up with a feeling of horror at what my own mind is capable of, and I felt so dirty, so ashamed and isolated. For hours I felt like everyone could see inside my head. Thankfully, God gave me a brake failure to distract me from thinking about myself so much (weird, I know, but that’s what happened), and then followed it with crazy, beautiful opportunity to share the gospel—an answer to a desperate prayer I had spoken that morning, feeling so very ugly and useless. But it was frustrating to be back again in the pit. I felt defeated, like I should be beyond this by now, and why am I still struggling?

That struggle wasn’t my first, and it won’t be my last. I’ll never be a perfect worker; David was never a perfect king. Like David, though, I can wait on God in the pit, and I can keep moving forward.

Encouragements from David’s pit-filled life:

• God is still using David’s life in His story today. 
• We still honor David, despite all he did. 
• David is still part of Jesus’ family. 
• The pit wasn’t the whole pattern of David’s life. No pit lasts forever. 
• God still used David in his own day, despite his struggles, despite his rollercoaster of actions and emotions. 
• David’s transparency is why we keep reading his psalms. Perhaps there’s something here for the foreign worker as well. 
• God has always used broken people. Would it be too bold to say that broken people are all He uses to build His kingdom? 

I can say with confidence that someone who is reading this is in the pit right now—maybe for the third, fourth, fifth, or sixth time, or more. The temptation in the pit is to give up and go home, to assume that you are useless and will never touch people for God’s kingdom, because you struggle. I can only echo Paul:

“But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by a human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. For I know of nothing against myself, yet I am not justified by this; but He who judges me is the Lord. Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord comes, who will both bring to light the hidden things of darkness and reveal the counsels of the hearts. Then each one’s praise will come from God.” (1 Corinthians 4:3-5)

Like David, we all live in the unknown of the present. David didn’t know his legacy would include Jesus. He didn’t know that people across the world would be reading translations of his poetry. He had no clue what an encouragement he would be in his own transparency. God has a wonderful way of turning the craziest parts of our life into something good. And we can’t judge that, because we can’t see it during our lives. We just have to hang in there and trust Him, even in the pit.

Know God.

As for you, my son Solomon, know the God of your father, and serve Him with a loyal heart and with a willing mind; for the LORD searches all hearts and understands all the intent of the thoughts. If you seek Him, He will be found by you; but if you forsake Him, He will cast you off forever. Consider now, for the LORD has chosen you to build a house for the sanctuary; be strong, and do it. (1 Chronicles 28:9-10)

If you could issue the next generation any challenge, what would it be? What pursuit do you hold dearest to your heart, do you consider all-encompassing and utterly fulfilling? If you could only lay down one command, what would you say?

In 1 Chronicles 28, David is nearing the end of his life and reign as king. He has this one legacy--the kingdom God has granted him--and it is about to pass into the hands of a young, inexperienced, frightened man. The kingdom itself is a huge mess, with resentments simmering right at the surface of the division between Judah, Benjamin, and the other ten tribes. Some of David's advisors are amazing; some are hotheaded, vengeful, and jealous (here's looking at you, Joab). And a great task awaits the young Solomon--the building of God's temple. David could issue a book on foreign policy, or political theory, or Managing Difficult Personalities, or Monotheistic Architecture. Instead, David calls Solomon to an all-engrossing heart pursuit.

"Know the God of your father," David says. This is not mere knowledge, a collection of facts to stimulate the intellect. While in Hebrew this word, yadah, can denote an intellectual understanding, it actually goes much deeper when it is between people--"Now Adam knew Eve his wife" (Genesis 4:1).  David's challenge to Solomon is to cultivate intimacy with the same God David has known. What is incredible about this is that intimacy takes two. Intimacy is only possible when the other person is present, open, and willing to be known. The challenge: Know God. Cultivate intimacy with Him. Invest time, vulnerability, dependence, and effort. Cultivating intimacy is difficult work, but there is perhaps nothing else in life that is so rewarding. Before anything else that could take his time up as king, Solomon is to invest himself in knowing God. Nothing else approaches this level of importance.

David doesn't leave the challenge at knowing, however; knowing God requires action. David tells Solomon, "Serve Him." To a king, this is a challenge. Solomon must serve, rather than rule; serve, rather than lip-serve; serve, rather than negotiate terms; serve, rather than exercise his authority; serve, rather than flout his position; serve, rather than revel in his independence. True authority understands what it means to answer to a higher authority. Deuteronomy 17:18-20 calls Israel's king to write his own copy of the Book of the Law, and read it all the days of his life, so that "he may learn to fear the LORD his God and be careful to observe all the words of this law and these statutes, that his heart may not be lifted above his brethren, that he may not turn aside from the commandment to the right hand or to the left, and that he may prolong his days in his kingdom, he and his children in the midst of Israel." Solomon is to rule by serving.

In this context, service does not denote bondage. "Serve Him," David elaborates, "with a loyal heart and a willing mind." David speaks from experience. Service from a loyal heart is not a response to outward pressure, but action that bubbles up from love in the inner man. The heart being right, the hands will follow. David had people who served him with loyal hearts. Three of his mighty men had fought through a garrison of Philistines to bring David a drink of water from Bethlehem's well. When David had nothing, when he was on the run from Saul, fleeing for his life in the desert, with no reward to offer, his friends served him. They stayed with him loyally when he had nothing to give them. This is service from the heart; and this is what it is to serve God with a loyal heart--to be His in the desert, to be His on the run, to be His when it doesn't look like He is King, when it doesn't seem as if His kingdom is coming. To be His in prosperity, and not to allow possessions to strip away loyalty to Him.

The adjective that describes this heart is shalem, "whole, full, at peace . . . cherishing peace and friendship" (BLB, "shalem"). This is to serve God with all your heart, with your whole heart. David is saying to Solomon, "Serve God with a heart that cherishes His friendship. Know Him, and out of knowing, which is friendship, cherish Him by serving." This is covenant-serving, out of a complete heart, with nothing held back.

Heart and mind go together. David's instruction to Solomon to serve God with a willing mind takes the service just that extra step farther. "Mind," here is the word nephesh, the "soul, self, life, seat of the appetites, seat of the passions, mind" (BLB, "nephesh"). The adjective "willing" is chaphets, "desiring, delighting, having pleasure in" (BLB, "chaphets"). The verb from which it originates is often translated as being "well pleased with." Psalm 73:25 uses this verb: "Whom have I in heaven but You, and there is none that I desire besides You." Song of Songs' refrain, "Do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases," highlights one emphasis of the verb. Isaiah exclaims, "Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise Him" (53:10), and he uses the verb to describe God's feelings of delight in His people and His land when He calls them "Hephzibah" and the land "Beulah" (62:4). In Micah 7:18, the verb describes how God doesn't retain His anger forever, because He delights in mercy.

These images of delight are disparate; some pertain to God, some to men; some to physical things, some to the intangible. In each instance, however, delight results in commitment and action. It is a delight that does. Thus, David tells Solomon, "Serve God with a heart that cherishes His friendship and a self that delights to commit to Him in doing, a self well pleased with Him. This flows from knowing Him intimately."

Behind this challenge to know and serve God lies a profound impetus, because David adds, "For the LORD searches all hearts and understands all the intent of the thoughts." "Intents"--yetser in Hebrew--denotes the framework or blueprint underlying a person's purpose or meditation (BLB, "yetser"). The phrase itself appears first in Genesis 6:5, when God sees that the intent of the thoughts of man's heart is only evil all the time. God is always searching hearts. This charge calls Solomon to action, therefore--Solomon must know and serve God with a right heart and mind because He is already knowing Solomon.

David finishes his charge with a promise and a warning: "If you seek Him, He will be found by you; but if you forsake Him, He will cast you off forever." As a last word to a young son, this could be a downer--unless it's true. If it's true, then it's vital. Solomon gets to choose what his relationship with God will be like, and the responsibility lies firmly in his hands.

Having thus challenged Solomon, David concludes, "Consider now, for the LORD has chosen you to build a house for the sanctuary; be strong, and do it" (1 Chron. 28:10). "Choose," David says, "for you have been chosen. Seek Him, because He's already sought you. Build, for this is your purpose."

I think David models for Solomon the very thing he's challenged him to do. When David had decided to build God a house, God halted his plans, but David prepared anyway, out of sheer passion and delight in God. David now gives Solomon all the materials, already weighed for their particular purposes. He's gone as far as he can for the construction of the temple, without actually making anything. He exhibits obedience plus passion--a delighting mind and a cherishing heart. He has every piece prepared for, with the materials weighed out for each fork, every bowl, all the way up to the new mercy seat. He has all of the priests and Levites picked out for their roles, and all the craftsmen recruited and ready. This is the product of a delighting mind. God has given David one limit, and he has pushed up to the very edge of it in his zeal. He so wants to build God's house, so loves God, that he does everything he can within the limits God has set him. Knowing God, he serves Him with a cherishing heart and a delighting soul.

What better call may be issued to the next generation? What better example can be given? None. For me, then, the "so what" is a greater passion to pursue intimacy with my Creator and Sustainer, for knowing Him is to love Him, and, God helping me, to push boldly, daringly, right up against the bounds of what's possible in my ministry. I can only hope to leave something as profound as David's legacy to the next generation.

Know God, friends.

Thank you for praying for me.

Finally on the field!

Hi everyone!


I wanted to send you a quick update on my life. I am finally in Mexico! I was in Orientation for 8 1/2 weeks in Richmond, Virginia, then I got to spend some time with my family and friends in the States, which was wonderful. I arrived on Monday in  Mexico City (the selfie was taken in the Zocalo—the central square of the city, which I think is the second largest public square in the world). The DF (Distrito Federal—the equivalent of DC in the States) is unimaginably huge. I know that it isn’t literally endless, but I have on good authority that it’s possible to live one’s entire life there—and work as a taxi driver—and still not know the whole city. The second picture is just a tiny slice of the city, seen from one little hill.

Tuesday was a bit of orientation and a bit of sightseeing, and it included dinner with two Ms in Mexico City. It was a really sweet time to meet them, and I had my first taste of tacos al pastor since October (that was significant for me; I had gotten sick in October and had avoided them ever since; this time, I ate them with no ill effects, which was a relief). Wednesday included visa work at the Immigration Office, and I am glad to say that I now have my Temporary Resident card for a year! I also got to drive for the first time in Mexico, which was a learning experience (Let’s just say that driving in Memphis has served me well). Yesterday my friend J and I drove from the DF, through the mountains, to Puebla, for a missions conference. It has been incredibly heartening to see how God has raised up Mexican missionaries for South Asia, NAME, and many other areas of the world. I’ve learned a lot just from what I’ve heard so far; last night the speaker talked about how the church exists for missions, not the other way around, and how the Bible was given so that people could fulfill God’s mission—of proclaiming God’s reign and inviting people into the Kingdom. He had an incredible perspective.

During the workshop times, I also got to meet a man who is working in a totally closed area, and I got to hear how God has opened doors for him to go and share in schools in his area by giving workshops. God is working in amazing ways here, and I look forward to getting in on that.

Prayer requests

• Please pray for this conference—that it would open hearts of people to missions, and that churches here would get a vision for God’s desire to reach all nations. 

• Please pray for me as I seek God’s vision for what I need to be doing and where I need to be focusing once I get to Leon.

• God’s desire is to bless the nations through the Seed of Abraham. Please pray that I would be a conduit for that blessing, and that God would also give me practical ways to enter people’s spheres of influence. 

• Please pray for my heart during this time of transition. I can’t even quite say how much I’m missing family, friends, and my new friends from Orientation who are spread out across the whole world. Pray that I would love people whether I feel like it or not.

• Please pray for all of the logistical stuff that needs to happen over the next few weeks as I transition to life in Leon.

• Please pray for people of peace, and for open doors for the gospel. Pray that I would speak God’s story with insane boldness.

• Please pray for language tutors for me as I move back to Leon. I have a long way to go.

Praises

• It has been incredible to see God provide for me here.  

• I have a car (third picture below), for which I am still trying to think of a name.

• I have Temporary Residence, and I didn’t even have to do any work for it on my end. There’s a wonderful lady, M, who is the lawyer who handles those things, and she guided me through the whole process and made it incredibly smooth. Pray that she’d get in on the blessing personally and that God would bless her for her work.

• I have a place to live and a team to work with.

• I got to spend Easter with my family and my church, which was an unimaginable blessing.

• My feet didn’t swell from my plane ride. Huge blessing.

• I got to share with my seatmates on my second flight on Monday. I was talking with a lady, V, and I was telling her stories about Jesus, and the man on the other side of her, S, from India, leaned over and said, “This is a very interesting topic of conversation!” I got to share the story of the Bible with them, what sin really is, and what the love of God really is in Jesus.

• I got to share my testimony with M, the lawyer, in Spanish.

• Most of my Spanish has come back to me, and I feel like some of it has even crystallized further in my head and heart. This is a massive blessing.

Thank you guys so much for praying for me! I really appreciate it!
-Jennifer

Update

Hi guys,
I don't know how much detail I can go into, but, by way of an update, I returned to the States on November 9, and I got to spend a lot of time with my family and friends (priceless) before heading out to Virginia for training. I'll be headed back out to Leon hopefully in the beginning of April.

Things to pray for right now:

• Adjustment to the absolutely crazy schedule here--that I would not only survive but thrive here.
• Cultural worship nights on Sundays--I'm the team leader. Pray for good organization and for willing volunteers, and for everyone on my team to work together well.
• Conversation opportunities--I need to be having three conversations per week with people. Please pray for divine opportunities.
• Hope--that I really would attempt great things for God, and expect great things from God.
• Time with Jesus--that I would have really good time with Him every day, even though the schedule's so crazy. That I would be tapped in to the Fountain of living water.
• Relationships--to relate well to people here. There are a lot of people, and a lot of relationship opportunities, and I want to invest well. I'm also an introvert, and this is very much an extrovert's dream here.
• Love--that the love of Jesus would fill me and pour out of me.

Praises:

• I got to head into the downtown today by myself and explore a bit. I really liked it.
• I got to eat Iranian food--legit Iranian food--for the first time in over two years. And I got to speak a little Farsi. So good.
• I really like all of the people in my building. I know we're going to have personality clashes, just from living so close together, but I like how they love Jesus and are honest.
• Some of the teaching here is really encouraging.

Thank you guys for praying for me. Missing so many of you right now.

-Jennifer

Opportunities

Hi guys,
I am probably the worst blogger ever, the not-updating queen. Sorry about that! In the nearly two months since my last update, I:

• Had a hot date with a Transformer

Optimus Prime, what big, strong arms you have!

• Found some rockin' awesome Lebanese food

• Terrorized some teenagers

• Visited a temple on top of a mountain

• Got to hang out with my mom!

We're basically the same person. People didn't know what to do.

• Lived in a state of near-constant intestinal excitement (Picture not included. Actually, there is no picture. You're welcome.)

It's been an interesting time. I've had a lot of conversations with different people. One of my most interesting opportunities so far is that I get to ride in a lot of taxis, which means that I have the chance to have all kinds of short conversations with the drivers. My basic approach is to go in as a dumb American who doesn't really know anything about the culture, and ask questions. Admitting my ignorance gives me the freedom to ask all kinds of stuff and find out about people--what they think about, what they value, how they make decisions, what their families are like, etc. It's actually probably my favorite thing. I think people are fascinating. Sometimes I get to share in return, sometimes not. One of my biggest struggles is when/whether to admit I'm not a Catholic. Sometimes it opens doors of curiosity for people, sometimes it shuts doors right away. Sometimes I just don't have very good judgment, and I make mistakes in talking. It's iffy. 

On Friday, I went to the Centro to hang out with one of the teenagers from church, and introduced her to Korean food (yesssssss). When she ended up leaving earlier than expected, I was at loose ends for a bit, so I walked around, went to the Christian bookstore (bookstores are a trap; I rarely escape unscathed), people-watched for a while, then eventually caught myself a taxi to go home. My taxista was pretty curious about me, what I think of Mexico, where I've gone. I told him I've gone to Guanajuato, which is a very normal, tourist-thing to do, and that I've gone to San Juan de Los Lagos, which is not at all a tourist thing to do, unless you happen to be on pilgrimage. It's an odd kind of street cred. He asked me if I had gone to see the Virgin. Yes, of course. He wanted to know what I thought about it, and I told him that it had made me think when I saw the room with all of the offerings.

I asked him if he had gone on pilgrimage to see the Virgin, and he responded that he actually has an outstanding manda to go see her, that he has to go on his knees and bring an offering. When questioned he responded that she saved him after an accident and took care of him, because he had prayed to her. 

He's also a devotee of St. Judas Thaddeus, patron saint of lost causes. I asked him how a person chooses a particular saint to venerate, and he mentioned that it has a lot to do with people's needs at any given time. 

For some reason, as we arrived at the door to my house, he mentioned something about being an alcoholic, and about how he has problems with his family, and they're threatening to kick him out. It was the craziest opportunity. I told him about Jesus, and about my mom's family. I've seen that testimony be pretty powerful, in how Jesus broke the chains of sin in the generations of my mom's family when she gave her life to Him. I talked to him about how Jesus came to save sinners, to give us joy, power, and peace. He stayed receptive, so I asked him if I could pray for him right there, and as I prayed for him, he began to cry. I shared the gospel with him. I asked if he had a Bible, and he said no, but his mom did, and that he had never read it, so I gave him my tiny Bible, showed him where John is, and asked him to read it. I asked him if I could give his contact information to some of my friends who live here, who can help him, and he said yes. The last thing he said before we made our goodbyes was, "I've never opened a Bible before."

Prayer requests

• Please pray for my friend here. She woke up this morning with a terrible pain in her back. She's had back surgery before, and recurring back problems are always a fear. Please pray for her healing. It's bad enough that she thinks she probably won't make it out of the house today.
• Please pray for the contract to come through on my friend's apartment. She only has two weeks to get it all sorted out, and the landlord's people are stalling. It would be deeply frustrating to have to pack everything up and find a new apartment before she leaves. It might also be impossible. Please pray for that door to open with her landlord's people.
• Please pray for my taxi driver. His initials are JM. Today I'm going to talk to the people I've asked to do the follow-up with him. Please pray for openness from him when they contact him. Pray for a desperation for God.
• Please pray for the teenagers at CPdD. It seems like God is doing some really neat things among them. 
• Please pray for my language helpers. The 17-year-old is going to start teaching an English class this Saturday to two girls from the store where we've been having our Spanish classes. She's going to use the Bible to teach. Please pray for an open door there, for wisdom for her, for a good experience so that it's something she can get excited about and can learn to do well. I'm really stoked to see what God may do with this 17-year-old as she discovers that she can minister in creative ways.  For the other lady, the college professor--she's hit some pretty hard stuff lately as people have been coming to her with big, crazy problems. Pray that she'd see real reconciliation with the church and that she'd really become a part of the community--not just teaching, but also being taught and being able to be real with others.
• Please pray for my friend E. She's pregnant, and she's suddenly been hit with a heavy depression. She was blindsided by it--didn't want to eat, just wanted to sleep or cry. She told us about it on Friday night at prayer meeting, and she just cried. Please pray for her, for encouragement, for healing in her body, for protection over her mind and heart. I've never experienced anything like that, so I don't really know how to pray with insight. Please ask for God to lift her head.

Praises

• I'm enormously grateful to God for giving me the opportunity to talk with that taxi driver. I know He loves him and wants to save him. I was grateful to be the one put into the position of being able to tell him that.
• I get to go home and see my family soon. I'll be back in town in two weeks, and that's kind of incredible to me. Praise God that I have the resources to be able to fly back, that I get this opportunity to be with my friends and family in OB. I'm really looking forward to it.
• While I was talking to the taxista, I had this incredible awareness of how amazing it was that I was saying all of that, clearly communicating, in another language. Praise God that He's given me a gift with languages, and that I've been able to learn as much as I have of Spanish, as quickly as I have.
• I've had two incredible language teachers, and it's been a privilege to spend time with both of them. Praise God that I have gotten to make friends here in Mexico, that He's shared this country and people with me. Praise God for the 17-year-old's movement into ministry to people outside of the church. Also, the professor shared with me, effusively, about what my friendship's meant to her over the past few months, and how God's used me in her life. I was dumbstruck. All of the good that has come about, has come about because God is gracious to use me, crazy person that I am. He's good.

Thank you for praying for me!

-Jennifer

Bittersweet symphony

When the builders laid the foundation of the temple of the LORD, the priests stood in their apparel with trumpets, and the Levites, the sons of Asaph, with cymbals, to praise the LORD, according to the ordinance of David king of Israel. And they sang responsively, praising and giving thanks to the LORD: "For He is good, for His mercy endures forever toward Israel." Then all the people shouted with a great shout, when they praised the LORD, because the foundation of the house of the LORD was laid.

But many of the priests and Levites and heads of the fathers' houses, old men who had seen the first temple, wept with a loud voice when the foundation of this temple was laid before their eyes. Yet many shouted aloud for joy, so that the people could not discern the noise of the shout of joy from the noise of the weeping of the people, for the people shouted with a loud shout, and the sound was heard afar off. (Ezra 3:10-13)

In this time in Israel's history, the people have begun to return from their captivity under the Babylonian and Persian empires. Some fifty years ago, the Babylonians had invaded Jerusalem for the last time, had destroyed the city walls and all the major buildings, and had taken special care to destroy Solomon's temple, block by block. This temple, though frequently sadly neglected, filled with idols, and disrespected, was Israel's identity. The Psalms of Ascent all point to the temple, as the people went up three times a year for the Passover, the Day of Atonement, and the Feast of Tabernacles. People spoke of going up to Jerusalem, regardless of where they were coming from; the city mountain, with the temple at the top, was the pinnacle of their nation.

Psalm 137:1-6 says:

By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down; yea, we wept when we remembered Zion. We hung our harps upon the willows in the midst of it. For there those who carried us away captive asked of us a song, and those who plundered us requested mirth, saying, "Sing us one of the songs of Zion!" How shall we sing the LORD's song in a foreign land? If I forget you, O Jerusalem, let my right hand forget its skill! If I do not remember you, let my tongue cling to my mouth--if I do not exalt Jerusalem above my chief joy.

This is how the Jews felt about Jerusalem, while they lived in exile, in Babylon. When they came back to their land, many (most?) of them had never seen it as it once was for their fathers. They hadn't seen Solomon's temple, with the walls inlaid with precious stones and coated with gold. They hadn't seen the giant bronze pillars, or the bronze Sea with the twelve bulls underneath it--more bronze than could be weighed out and counted (Jer. 52:20). They hadn't seen it. All they would have known was what they had heard in stories.

But some had seen it. The old men remembered the gleam of the bronze, once cleaned and repaired. They had seen the platform on which Solomon had once stood, had walked up the steps and smelled the sacrifices, had heard the silver trumpets and the harps.

These people wept when they saw the foundation of the new temple laid down. They wept for past glory, lost forever--wept because the present looked less marvelous. They wept because the old temple was in the past, and they would never get the past back.

I feel for these guys. As Proverbs says, "The heart knows its own bitterness, and a stranger does not share its joy" (14:10), and "Even in laughter the heart may sorrow, and the end of mirth may be grief" (14:13). As the passage above in Ezra says, "The people could not discern the noise of the shout of joy from the noise of the weeping of the people." So many emotions, so intertwined, and in a time of renewing, at that.

Several years ago, a lady named Melanie came to chapel at my seminary. We spoke after chapel, and I talked to her about how I had absolutely no clue about the future--it was wide open, and I could have ended up anywhere. It terrified me. Her response: "What a great adventure--you could go anywhere." I've found myself perplexed by her response more than once in the years since. I feel as if, in many ways, I back through life, looking back at Zimbabwe and the grief of leaving, at never really feeling at home in the States afterward, at so many schools in so many years, never having a solid community or group of friends. I look back at my time in Canada, when I really found myself making a home of sorts, investing in a community. I still never hung anything on the walls of my apartment. To me, every new step comes with an admixture of anticipation, hope, despair, and grief.

I imagine that, as the builders laid the new foundation stones of the temple, that the elders looked and thought, "It will never be as beautiful as it was before. It will never be the same." But the truth was that it was never that beautiful. Solomon had it built, and during the remaining years of his life he built temples to the gods of his wives. Not many generations after, kings from Solomon's blood built sheds for prostitutes inside the very walls where only priests were to go. Kings set statues of other gods up for adoration in the place that was to be holy to God's name. The temple had endured years of abuse from many, many hands and had been defiled in countless ways. The people had so defied God that He couldn't leave them to be as they were; as He had restarted the earth in the flood, so He restarted His people with years of captivity. The old temple was defiled and torn down; only a new one would do.

The thing was, whether the people laid a new foundation or not, the old temple was already gone for good. It was part of the past; nothing could be done with that. What was happening that day, though, was that the people were taking their first, halting steps into a future. Life had to go on; worship had to go on.

What I am hoping and praying for as I think about this is that I don't want to back into the future anymore. I want to walk into the future, embracing the life to come, living in worship rather than bitterness and grief.  I know that I will probably always face a welter of emotions as I accept the nomadic life I've entered, but I want to be like Melanie and see the adventure ahead--see the newness and the promise ahead. I'm struggling with this right now; I had a conversation with my mom last week, and she told me that, if I do end up here in Mexico longer-term, it's time to make a clean break and really make it my home. I don't know how to do that, exactly; I told my friend last night that it only looks like a way to end up hurting even more if (in my mind, when) I have to leave, and I don't want to open myself to the pain. Investment takes a certain amount of trust, and I am very reluctant to trust. But I do want worship to go on, and that does mean trusting.

Prayer requests

• Please pray for wisdom going forward in this journey, and for healing--a genuine about-face, not backing into the future anymore, but walking face into the wind, with my back to the past.
• Please pray for this week and what it holds. Pray for open doors for the gospel, especially with the English class. On Thursday evening a neighbor lady has invited us over to learn how to make a yoghurt-strawberry gelatin dessert. Pray for wisdom in the conversations that come up in that time, and that God would open hearts.
• Friday and Saturday we're having a pajama party for some of the preteens from the church. Please pray for that to be really good and encouraging for them.
• On the 20th and 21st of September, the youth from CPdD are presenting a skit about the Prodigal Son in two different neighborhoods. It's been like herding cats to get any of it together; we've had a different group every time we've gone over this and practiced it. Please pray for teenagers to show up and show out for this. Pray that they'd really get a vision for reaching out to people, and that they'd invest in it.
• We're planning on having a workshop on making disciples in October for the teenagers. Please be praying for that.
• By way of follow-up, the girl L who we met with last Sunday has been texting my friend from time to time, but it's really not clear what she's about. Please pray for a real spiritual hunger in her life.
• I haven't gotten to go back to the Aztec dancer lady's restaurant yet. Please pray for wisdom in how to follow up with that.

Praises

• I had a really great time hanging out with the teenage girl last Wednesday. We walked, and I asked her to tell me about her life. She talked about a bunch of stuff, then she just kept asking what else I'd like to know. Finally I asked her to tell me how she had met Jesus. She got so excited and animated, and she talked for easily an hour about the changes she's already seen in her life and about what she's learning. She's devouring her Bible, as far as I can tell, and she's memorizing verses and really letting God speak to her. Please pray for her; she's the only believer in her family, and that's a big deal.
• I had a really nice conversation on Saturday with the neighbor's daughter, who's a year older than me. Got to talk to her about Jesus. She said she'd like to hang out with me when she's in town this weekend. Please pray for that

Thank you for praying!
-Jennifer