Off the script

Others May, You Cannot (Published by the Faith, Prayer, and Tract League)

If God has called you to be really like Jesus he will draw you into a life of crucifixion and humility. God's call will put such demands of obedience on you that you will not be able to follow other people, or measure yourself by other Christians. At times, He will let other people do things which He will not let you do. 

Other Christians who seem very religious will push themselves, pull wires, and work schemes to carry out their plans. You cannot, and if you attempt it, you will meet with failure and rebuke from the Lord.

Others may boast of themselves, of their work, or their successes, but the Holy Spirit will not allow you to do any such thing, and if you begin it, He will lead you to despise yourself and all your good works. 

Others may be allowed to succeed in making money, or may have a legacy left to them, but it is likely God will keep you poor. God wants you to have something far better than gold, namely, a helpless dependence upon Him, that He may demonstrate His faithful love for you in supplying your needs day by day.

God may let others be honored and put forward, and keep you hidden in obscurity in order to produce some fragrant fruit for his coming glory which can only be produced in the shade. He may let others be great, but keep you small. He may let others do a work for Him and get the credit for it now. The reward for your work is held in the hands of Jesus, and you will not see it until He comes.

The Holy Spirit will put a strict watch over you with a jealous love. He will rebuke you for the little words and feelings or for wasting your time. So make up your mind that God is an infinite Sovereign, and has a right to do as He pleases with His own. He does not owe you an explanation of these mysteries. But if you give yourself to be His child, He will wrap you up in a jealous love, and give you the precious blessings for those who belong, heart and soul to Him.

Settle it forever, then, that you are to deal directly with the Holy Spirit. It is His option to tie your tongue, or chain your hand, or close your eyes in ways that He does not seem to use with others. And when you are so possessed by the living God that your heart delights over this peculiar, personal, private, jealous guardianship and management of the the Holy Spirit over your life, you will have found the vestibule of Heaven.

I ganked that from Mom's blog; it was intended to be in lieu of an actual post, but it ties in with something I've been thinking--which is basically a prayer request. Wednesday was my birthday. I'm 28 now, two years from 30. I stayed up Tuesday night and cried for a while about it. True story. I cried because 1) I'm 28, and where did the years go and how did I miss all of that? and 2) I'm 28, and I don't have a house or a husband or kids or financial security or a car or decorations on my walls or a "professional" job.

Somehow the years have passed and I've gone off the script. Most of my old friends are married; several of those have kids. They're moving on with grown-up life, investing in the next generation by raising the next generation, on their way toward becoming parents of teenagers, parents of adults, grandparents. They have people to share their day-to-day lives with. I don't have the promise or expectation of any of that.

I've really been struggling with this for a while; turning 28 just brought it to a head in a new way. If God doesn't want me on the normal people script, I won't be. I'll live with that. But it's hard to see the way ahead.

Pray for me with this new year, for guidance, contentment, a deeper and more intimate relationship with Him. I badly need Him to be the lover of my soul. Pray for deeper surrender and vulnerability to Him. Pray for His handprint to cover every part of my life. Pray that I wouldn't try to light my own way when it seems like I'm walking in darkness (Is. 50:10-11).

Thank you,

1 comment:

Mel said...

O Jennifer, I know where you are at right now. Not because I waited long for that particular thing (husband) but I've been waiting a long time for something else (the baby). Your mom's W3 group was life-changing for me. So the advice I can share is all from her which means you've probably already heard it ;) But I hope it's a good reminder...

1.) Ask God for a promise for your life, your future or for your husband. He will give you a promise you can claim. Claim it, pray it, and trust His Word. Just don't try and interpret it.

2.) Realize where you are right now... you are in the gap life. The infamous time of waiting. What you do here and how you repond is so very important. Everyone goes through it. Joseph went through it, as did David, and Hannah, and Rachel,... You are going through it at 28. Determine you will trust the Lord this next year and FOREVER (Is 26:4). He will be your strength.

You mentioned that there were several things you were waiting for - the husband, job, house, kids... Something I have realized the last 2 1/2 years is that everyone is ALWAYS waiting on something. Girls that have had one baby or so upset they can't have another. And once you have the kids, you wait on the bigger house or the next job promotion or finally being financially "secure." Life is a waiting game. If you can stand strong through this time in your life, it will set the stage for all other periods of waiting. If at 28 you can experience God in a way that only those who have waited for something can experience Him, you will have made yourself available for God to use in a mighty way. You will be able to be used by Him to lead others, teach others and bless others.

3.) Have others pray for you. I have really felt the prayers of others in my life who are praying for me in my time of waiting. Thank you for being vulnerable on your blog. I will pray for you. I will pray for a godly husband and for you to stand strong.

~Hebrews 11:6