"Going home to see my Father / Going home no more to roam..."

I'm just going over Jordan / I'm just going over home.

That's the chorus to a spiritual called "Wayfaring Stranger," and that's how I'm feeling now. I couldn't really explain to you guys what my inner life is like, I think. It's probably something that just has to be felt, but I have these heights of glorious, transcendent joy, when I feel in touch with the Father, and then I have hours and days filled with the most piercing longing for Home. Some days, of course, I feel nothing at all, and those are the worst. But days like today, I drive around listening to hymns and envying the writers, because they're already There. I've determined that so much of what I think of is loneliness is in reality my heart's ache for my Father. The beautiful communion I have with Him when I go for walks and talk to Him, and the tremendous honor of hearing from Him in His Book is really, truly, the best part of every day. He has a glory and a gravitas like nothing and no one else. One day I will see Him face to face, and I want that more than anything. What a way to spend eternity.

I've been talking with my friends about heaven recently. So often, when people relate their conceptions of heaven, they say something like, "All we're gonna do is sing all the time. Sounds like hell to me." Well, I don't think that way. I think, yes, we will be in endless, glorious communion with God, but I think a lot of our glorifying God will be in living exactly as we were always meant to live. What does that mean? I'll be the Jennifer I was meant to be without having fallen. On a physical level, I'll never have another migraine. Ever. That alone is something to get excited about. But I'll run and not be weary. I'll walk and not faint. Time and space will mean nothing; I'll be zipping around the place like the Flash. I fully intend to fly. I will be able to move through solid objects (I think, if there will be walls in heaven, they'll be there solely for going through). Every nerve and every cell will work exactly as it ought to: I'll see clearly for miles and miles; I'll see in every spectrum; I'll be able to hear the music of the stars; I will smell the full range of smells; I will taste everything in the air and every piece of food to its fullest extent (and yes, I do intend to eat; hello, wedding feast of the Lamb!); and I will feel everything I touch as it was meant to be felt from the first. I intend to spend my first millennium just touching stuff ("Hey guys, come check this out!" *Poke poke poke poke* "Jennifer, you've been doing that for the last five hundred and sixty-seven years!" "And it's still NEW!!!"). Do you know how cool it will be? I will never have had wine (except for that Ash Wednesday service way back in the day, and that totally doesn't count), and I will get to drink it for the first time with Jesus--wine as it was meant to be. I just can't even tell you how much I want to go. And hanging around with people! I've heard people say many times that they wouldn't want to go to heaven, because all of the fun people will be in hell. I disagree. I think about how tremendous the Christians I have known are, and how much I miss the ones I no longer get to see, and how much I love the ones I'm around, and then I think, I get to spend eternity with these people! That's exciting, kids. And that's just the people I've known! Just think, hanging out with Lottie Moon (four foot two, climbed a bell tower on April 1 to muffle the bells so school would start late), and Peter (put his foot in his mouth all the time), and Martin Luther (made fart jokes), and so many saints of God who enjoyed life to its fullest, and who lived radically differently from the people around them--who were totally counterculture in every way that matters--it will be tremendous.

The most exciting part to me, though, is the idea of really getting to know God. This means that all the questions I have about the Bible, I will get to ask of the Author. I will know His mind. I hope to have spent all my life getting acquainted with Him, so that it's even sweeter finally to see Him face to face. I cannot even imagine what that will be like. I think about the times in church and during my quiet time when I know His presence, and how sweet that is, and how much it just prompts praise, and I can understand why we'd spend all of eternity praising Him. He is endless.

One day, guys. One day I'm going Home.