Rough manuscript for tomorrow - Hope: God’s Hidden Hand in History

Even the church feels the weight of brokenness, frustrated dreams, and loneliness. It is hard to have perspective in a world that is constantly throwing us stories that urge us to live in fear and dread of things we can’t control, or condemnation of all the things that should be fixed but can’t. Even though we are prosperous, despair is on the rise, and it’s hard to remember why we are here. God’s word offers us a better hope as it gives us His perspective on our lives and on our world. We get a God’s eye view of history as we see stories of how He works in and through broken people.
Some notes on hope:

• Hope is invisible. Romans 8:24 says, “Hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees?”
• Hope is available from God’s Word. Romans 15:4, “For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope.”
• Hope is intentional and repeated. Lamentations 3:21-24 “This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope: through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I hope in Him.’”
• God is both the source and the object of our hope. Romans 15:13: “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
• Hope is our guarantee. Romans 5:5-6 “Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.”

Let’s look at hope through God’s story.

Creation
In the beginning, we see a good God, who creates the universe with beauty and order, for the flourishing of man whom He makes in His image. He gifts people with three relationships at the beginning—with Him, to live in intimacy; with His world, to live as His image in it, forming and filling it under His blessing; and with one another, to walk together in unity and fellowship and multiply as image bearers. These three relationships are broken by sin in the garden, and God speaks hope, through the promise of the seed of the woman to crush the head of the serpent, and the offering of the blood of the innocent on behalf of the guilty. Why? “This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope; through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed.” He gives them strong promises and visuals that they can remember and teach to their children after them.
We have the story of Cain and Abel, and then the two lineages, and by the time we get to Noah, the whole earth is full of such violence that God decides to destroy it. But Noah finds grace in the eyes of the Lord, because he walks with God. He has walked with God, alone, for five hundred years, and in none of that time has he ever thought that he would be the one through whom God would save the world. Think how lonely that would be—to be the only believer in a world gone mad. He trusts God, builds the ark, and God saves him and his family. He offers his sacrifice afterwards, and God responds by speaking hope. He will not flood the earth again, He repeats His blessings over people, and He gives a rainbow as the sign of His promise. Why? “This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope.” 

Patriarchs
Ten generations pass, and God speaks hope to a man who is not special. The only thing that makes Abraham different from the idol-worshipers around him is that he doesn’t have kids—can’t have kids. Imagine those broken dreams, that loneliness, dealing with a lifetime of infertility. He has no idea that he is going to be the father of the promised seed. And then God speaks hope: “Get out of your country, From your family And from your father’s house, To a land that I will show you. I will make you a great nation; I will bless you And make your name great; And you shall be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, And I will curse him who curses you; And in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.” God’s promises transform Abraham’s life, and He gives him strong reminders of His promises—his descendants will be as many as the dust on the earth and the stars in the sky. So everyone sees the same dust, but Abraham sees the God behind the dust. And everyone sees the same stars, but Abraham sees the God behind the stars. Why? “This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope.” God is making a hope-full people.
These promises get passed down, though two generations later the family is a shambles. And yet God speaks hope. Leah, Jacob’s unloved wife, has no idea that she’s going to bear the line of priests and kings, and of the hope of Israel. She is literally the bearer of the promise. Tamar, Judah’s rejected daughter-in-law, also becomes the bearer of the promise.
And Joseph is God’s sleeper agent in Egypt. He had no idea when his brothers threw him in the pit that God was going to use him to save Egypt. All he had was heartbreak, rejection, and isolation—broken dreams and loneliness—until God spoke hope and he saw that his brothers meant it for evil, but God meant it for good and for the saving of many lives. Why do we have this story? “Because whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that through the patience and the comfort of the Scriptures we might have hope.”

Exodus
Four hundred years pass, and God is fulfilling His promise to Abraham in Genesis 15. In a time of slavery and the murder of children, Moses is born. He’s filled with intense purpose but falls in murder, and then spends 40 years as a shepherd, with no idea God still intends to use him. He is living in loneliness and broken dreams, until God speaks hope, and sends him to deliver His people. God gives the ten plagues and the Passover so His people will be people of memory, that they will remember that their God is the God who brought them out of Egypt, and He gives them His Word so they can remember and have hope. Why? “Whatever things were written before were written for our learning, so that we though the patience and the comfort of the Scriptures might have hope.” God’s Word helps us endure pain!

Conquest
When Israel enters the promised land, the story zooms in on Rahab, a working girl in Jericho. She’s part of a people that God has doomed to destruction, and her very life speaks of broken dreams and loneliness. But God speaks hope. She hears the story of the Exodus and believes, and is saved along with her whole family, and she too becomes the bearer of the promised seed, just like Leah and Tamar. Why do we have her story? “This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed.” No one who will trust God is ever rejected.

Judges
Israel settles the land, and for 350 years there is no mention of God’s word. From the state of His people and their repeated sin cycles, it looks like the dream has died. Then we have a tale of two widows. Naomi and Ruth have both lost their husbands when they move back to the little town of Bethlehem, and they have no idea what God intends to do with them. They are trusting God in the middle of their broken dreams and loneliness, and God speaks hope. Ruth too becomes the bearer of the promised seed, and God restores Naomi’s joy. Because of God, grief isn’t the end of their story.

Kingdom
After the Judges Era, Israel seeks a king like the nations, but Saul is not Israel’s hope. God chooses David to establish the line of the promised seed, but David is just a boy, not important enough to his father to count as his son when Samuel comes looking. He’s alone with the sheep, and unseen. But God sees him, and God speaks hope, choosing David as the next king. David then has to live through years of waiting, betrayal, and loss, with nothing to stand on but God’s promise. And God keeps His promise. Even when David’s life is marked by violence and unfaithfulness such that he cannot build the temple, God speaks hope. He will build David a house that will endure forever. And He gives promises in Psalm 22, 16, and 110 of the crucifixion, the resurrection, and the priest after the order of Melchizedek. Why? Whatever things were written before were written for our learning, so that we through the patience and the comfort of the Scriptures might have hope.” Even David is not Israel’s hope. He points to a better king.

Divided Kingdom
In the era of the Divided Kingdom, we have 20 kings in the north, none of whom is righteous. Speaking of broken dreams and loneliness, the Syrian general Naaman has a little Israelite slave girl, who is a sleeper agent in his house to speak of a prophet in Israel who can heal his leprosy. Gentile women receive their children back to life after they have died through the ministries of Elijah and Elisha. Why? God is showing Israel that He is still at work, even in their enemies. Why? “This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope.” God is bigger than His people’s failure to witness about Him.
There are also 19 kings and one queen in the south, only five of whom are righteous. In this time God speaks hope through Isaiah with the promise of 7:14 and 9:6, the picture of Isaiah 53, and the glorious pictures of life in His new kingdom. He speaks also through Jeremiah’s eyewitness account of the destruction of his land, and the promises of the new covenant and the branch of the line of David. Jeremiah’s words are all the more poignant as he speaks them with eyes on his ruined city and destroyed temple: “This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope: through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I hope in Him.’”

Exile
This whole era is broken dreams and loneliness, but God embeds sleeper agents in Babylon and Persia. When Ezekiel is taken captive as a young man, his dreams of serving in the temple die, but he sees the new temple and gets the vision of the heart of stone made flesh, and of the dry bones that will live again. God speaks hope to and through a man who is in exile because of other people’s sin.
Daniel too is taken captive, and it looks like his dreams have died. In fact, he never returns to Israel, but God speaks hope through him in the rise and fall of the four empires, the Son of Man on the throne of heaven, and his great prayer based on Jeremiah and Deuteronomy in chapter 9. Why can Daniel pray with such hope? “Whatever things were written before were written for our learning, so that we through the patience and the comfort of the Scriptures might have hope.” Daniel holds fast to God’s word, and God is faithful to fulfill it.

Return
At this point Israel has learned to make a life in exile. God activates new sleeper agents: Ezra, who has faithfully dedicated himself to knowing God’s law without knowing what God intends to do, is raised up to rebuild the nation on God’s word. For Nehemiah, God uses his goofy secular job as a cupbearer to prepare him for politics and intrigue as He calls him to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. God speaks hope to them in the rehearsal of His word, drawing His people to repentance. Why? “Whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and the comfort of the Scriptures might have hope.” God also speaks hope through the prophecies of the Messiah to come, riding on the donkey, to have His hands and feet pierced, and of the pouring out of His Spirit on all His sons and daughters.

Silence
In these four hundred years, God is silent, but He is still active, and He still speaks through His word. The empires rise and fall, Greece gives the world a language, and Rome gives the world a structure. The unnamed translators create the Septuagint so that Jews across the empire can read God’s word, and the synagogue structure is created. It’s still a world of chaos and war, and especially oppression for the Jews, and they hunger for the Messiah. The promises of God from His word have given them something to look forward to.

Gospel
Into this silence God speaks hope again, to Zechariah and Elisabeth, faithfully serving God though they can’t have children. He picks these people with their broken dreams to bring John the Baptist into the world. He speaks to Mary, who per Rebecca McLaughlin is “just another Mary,” a name so common that one woman in five had it. He fulfills His promise that the virgin will conceive and bear a child called Immanuel, “God with us.” Jesus is born, and when He is eight days old they take him to the temple to be circumcised, and there is Simeon, who has waited his whole life for the consolation of Israel, and he gets to hold Him in his arms. And Anna, an 84-year-old widow, waiting on God day and night in the temple, meets Him and finds a reason to tell everyone waiting in Jerusalem that redemption has finally come.
At 30 years old, Jesus the sleeper agent activates, and God speaks hope to the world. According to New Testament professor Dr. Warren Carter, the Roman Empire promised to be the hope for the world and to bring healing, but Jesus is the real hope. “I am the Bread of Life,” He says, and He feeds the 5000. “I am the light,” He says, and he shines like the sun into people’s darkness. “I am the Good Shepherd,” He says, and He goes looking for His lost sheep. “I am the resurrection and the life,” He says, and He breaks the bonds of death with just a word. “I am the way, the truth, and the life,” He says, and He shows us the Father. “I am going to prepare a place for you,” He says. “I will be taken, betrayed, beaten, spat upon, and killed, but on the third day I will rise.”
When He is killed, the disciples lose hope, to the point that they don’t really believe the women who have witnessed the resurrected Jesus. When Jesus comes upon two of them on the way to Emmaus, they say, “We had hoped that He would be the one to redeem Israel.” He rebukes them for their foolishness and slowness of heart to believe, and then He opens the Scriptures, showing them that the whole story is about Him.
He speaks hope: ““All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”
“Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.”

Church
God speaks hope into the world through His church, empowered by the Holy Spirit. At Pentecost, all the gathered nations hear His message in their own languages, and God works through apostles, women, deacons, Samaritans, Gentiles, to speak the hope of Christ in a world of false hopes. They are rejected, ridiculed, beaten, and killed, because a disciple will be like his master. Even in this, God speaks hope into Saul the persecutor’s life, and calls him to suffer many things and to speak to kings, and God speaks hope to the Gentile Cornelius through Peter. God’s church is able to speak peace and hope to their own enemies, and God makes enemies friends through the message of the gospel.

Missions
God speaks hope  to the nations through the ministry of Paul, and we still get this hope today. After all, Paul writes to us that God chose us in Jesus before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him in love. Peter also writes to us, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith—the salvation of your souls.” And we get to share this hope with the world too. God is sending us out to the world, just the same as He sent Paul, with the message of hope in Jesus Christ.

End/New Beginning
Because one day God won’t need to speak hope anymore. As Romans says, Hope that is seen is not hope, for why does one still hope for what he sees?” One day, Jesus will come back, and we will see Him face to face. He will judge the living and the dead, and everyone whose name is written in the Book of Life will be with Him forever, and everyone whose name is not written in the book will experience the second death, which is forever. And He will marry His church, and He will wipe away every tear from our eyes, and we will have our hope fulfilled.
Not one of these people in these stories knew what God was doing in their lives, and that didn’t stop Him doing it. Neither do we, and that still doesn’t stop Him doing it.
So my challenge and comfort to you today is this: Be in the Word, so you have a hope to recall to your mind. Be in the Word, so that you can trust that God is working under your broken dreams, heartache, and loneliness. Abide in Jesus, abide in the vine, so that your hearts can stay tender toward Him and others when the world seems like it’s going mad. And share your living hope with the world around you as you refuse to despair in the worst of circumstances. And may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Desert Romance

It's an old, old story. Man meets woman. Sparks fly--not the good kind. Man and woman end up in trouble. Man fights to protect woman, risking his life in the process. Woman sees how much man loves her, falls in love with him.

It's Beauty and the Beast. In the Disney version, when Belle is all alone with the Beast, she begins, after a while, to see his heart; and when she sees him in the magic mirror, fighting for his life because he had granted her wish to walk away, then her heart reaches out, and she loves him back, fully.

It's The Wind and the Lion, where the captive American lady falls in love with the dashing Arab after he fights to save her children and reveals his intention to set her free.

It's Raiders of the Lost Ark, where Marion and Indy are thrown into terrible danger, he rescues her from torture, and through their shared experience they fall in love.

It's The Princess Bride, where Buttercup is saved from assassins and taken captive by the Dread Pirate Roberts, who is really her beloved Westley in disguise. The journey reveals who he is, as he has fought to win her back, and she falls in love with him all over again. In Westley's case, it's even a journey through death and back, to save his beloved.

It's the desert romance.

The desert--be it loneliness, pain, danger, uncertainty, any number of addictions or sexual brokennesses, or even the actual desert--strips away the veneer of things. I remember seeing a movie, years ago, where a group of people got caught up in a sandstorm in the Mongolian desert. All found shelter but one, and, when the storm was over, the only thing left behind was his corpse, almost bare bones. The desert is harsh, unforgiving, and painful. Animals and plants survive there because they've adapted to live with a lack--of water, shelter, safety, and comfort. Desert animals are tough. They have to be. Desert people, too, are tough, shaped by their environment, and a non-desert person will not survive without the help of a desert person.

In the stories above, the desert experience within each narrative strips away false things--pride, anger, and even ugliness, in the case of the Beast--and reveals, underneath, a self-sacrificing love.

When we go into the Exodus story, we encounter a group of people who have been shaped by the experience of slavery. They've lived with harshness, but they're not desert people. The Israelites have lived in Goshen for 430 years, with access to leeks, onions, wheat, barley, spelt, fish, cucumbers, melons, and garlic. That isn't desert food.

In Exodus 12, Israel leaves Egypt and begins to head east, and God begins to do something interesting with their journey. Exodus 13:17-18 says, "When Pharaoh let the Israelites go out, God did not take them by the way that crosses the land of the Philistines, which was the shorter way, for He thought, 'If they meet with battle, they could change their minds and return to Egypt.' Because of that He made them take a detour by way of the desert, in the direction of the Red Sea."

Israel had left Egypt in ranks, as if for battle, but they were in no way prepared for battle. God takes them the long way round, because He knows they can't handle the Philistines. His purpose for them right now is not to fight, but to learn to follow Him in no-man's-land--in the desert. They enter the desert in 13:20, and they begin to see God's pillar of cloud by day and fire by night, leading them along the way. It never leaves them, by day or by night.

In Exodus 14, God tells Moses to turn the people back and have them camp at a certain place near the sea. He tells Moses clearly that Pharaoh will come for Israel again, will think they are trapped, and will follow to kill them, but that God intends to show His glory through Pharaoh and his whole army. God sends His people intentionally back into an insecure place, and when they're completely trapped, they turn on Moses and claim that it would have been better to remain slaves in Egypt. The sentiment: "You've brought us out here to kill us!"

Moses responds, "Don't be afraid. Stand still and see the salvation of the Lord, which He will accomplish for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall see no more forever. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" (14:13-14).

God has not led Israel into the desert to die. He has led them into the desert to strip away their dependence on the food and familiarity of Egypt and to place it on Him. He has led them out to strip away their false conceptions of what He is like and to show them who He really is. He's led them out to woo them.

What happens with the Egyptians looks to me very much like when, in the stories, the man picks a fight with someone big and powerful to impress the woman he loves. "Look how strong I am," he is saying, "how clever, how quick, and how able I am to defend you. Look how I can take care of you." A hilarious example of this is in Nacho Libre, when Nacho gets his friend Esqueleto to gather a group of guys together so he can fight them in front of Sister Incarnación. He hopes that she will be impressed with his skills and fall in love with him. Obviously it doesn't turn out that way, but it's a film trope for a reason--it's part of how people see the world.

God draws Israel into the desert as a Lover wooing his Beloved, saying, "Look how I can take care of you here; I am really all you need." He shows her how He can fight for her, provide for her, guide her, and care for her in the desert.

Sadly, the people of Israel never really get it, instead turning on God and Moses time after time, always claiming that God has brought them out into the desert to kill them. The desert reveals their distrust, discouragement, skepticism, and disdain for God. He keeps trying, though; even as He removes from Israel the people who will most lead to faithlessness and idolatry, He stays with them in the desert for 40 years, and their clothes don't fall apart, their sandals don't wear out, and they eat bread and meat from heaven every day. He provides water from rocks and shelter when they need it, and they never have to wonder about where to Go, because He's always there, leading.

It's a desert romance.

Some takeaways from this narrative:

• Sometimes God leads us the long way around because He knows we can't handle the battles along the shorter road. Our tendency is to get discouraged and assume we're running around in circles. There is a purpose to our winding journey.
• Sometimes God leads us directly into situations where only He can fight for us, and we must decide whether to distrust in Him or depend on Him.
• We pretty much always assume we've been brought into the desert to die. When I am lonely, I assume I'll die this way, or I feel like I am dying. When I struggle with sin and feel isolated, I wonder if it wouldn't be better to be dead, or to go back to where I came from. I only see the desert, or I only see my enemies; I don't see the pillar of cloud and fire.
• God brings people into the desert, over and over again, with the express purpose of feeding them. He draws them away from distraction and ease to woo them.
• We see the desert as a place of death; with Him, it is only a place of hidden life. 
• Am I willing to say, "It doesn't matter where I am, or how alone I feel, as long as I'm with you"?

Spectacularly Unqualified

Lots of ideas float around about the things that God calls His people to. Lately I have heard, rather a lot, that God is like a father who wants his children to be happy and to enjoy what they are doing. I've heard that obedience will bring us joy, and that if we're not enjoying what we're doing, maybe something's wrong.

I think only one of those claims is true--that obedience will bring us joy. It's just that "joy" doesn't necessarily translate into enjoying the process. Joy is the deep assurance that you have pleased God, even if you hurt along the way.

I struggle with my call. Nothing about me enjoys leaving my family. I think only a psychopath would enjoy that. I don't enjoy living in a different culture and being misunderstood for my differences, or being expected to conform to standards of behavior and thinking that I'm not even aware exist. I don't enjoy the pressure to plant churches. I don't enjoy feeling the pressure to meet strangers and share the gospel, especially in a place with so many people who have a really broken concept of what it means. I don't enjoy having to justify or explain why I'm here in Mexico. I don't enjoy being rejected or simply not having people wanting to hang out with me because I don't go clubbing or like to watch certain kinds of movies. I don't enjoy feeling like a failure when I miss an opportunity. I don't enjoy spending a lot of time just figuring out how to get out and do what I'm supposed to do, rather than having a clearly defined job with a decent salary and an understandable career trajectory. But all these things, in their own ways, are part of the call that I experience as I serve God.

That's why Moses has been really comforting to me today. At the end of four hundred years of oppression promised by God in Genesis 15, God calls Moses out to serve Him and deliver the people.  And Moses says no--like five times. Shall we look at what Moses is dealing with, when God calls him?

• Broken dreams: Moses had been raised with a purpose. In a day when the Pharaoh had ordered the killings of all male Israelite babies, Moses' parents had seen such a beauty in him that they had hid him until it was no longer possible. When they finally gave him up, they received him back from the dead (in a figurative sense), from the very hand of the daughter of their nation's enemy. He was even named for this rescue--"drawn out" from the waters. He was nursed by his Hebrew mother and introduced to their ways, hopes, and dreams; and he was educated in all the style of his adoptive Egyptian mother and given access to Pharaoh's wealth. He had the purpose of a man of the people of God, circumcised into the covenant and inheriting the promises of Abraham; and he had the confidence of one raised with royalty, whose spirit had never been crushed by slavery. As Stephen says in Acts 8:25, he thought of himself as Israel's liberator. But he had lost all that.
• Rejection: Just when Moses had positioned himself to lead a liberation movement, he was rejected and accused. Just as the people of Sodom had said to Lot, "This fellow came here as a foreigner, and now he wants to play the judge!" so the Israelites say of Moses, "Who made you ruler and judge over us?" Talk about being misunderstood! At the moment that Moses had crossed the line and allied himself with his people, they rejected him. For someone who had dreamed of delivering his people and probably basking in their loyalty and gratitude, this must have been crushing.
• Past failures: Moses failed to do what he believed God had called him to do. He killed an Egyptian, without meaning to, hid the body, was found out, and was rejected by Egypt and pursued as a murderer. God had called him as a deliverer, and he had spectacularly failed, gotten himself kicked out of the country, put Israelites in danger, and had to live in hiding for 40 years.
• Irrelevance and obscurity: Can I sum this up as "out of sight, out of mind?" Anyone who goes into overseas work knows that it takes a miracle for people to remember that you exist after you've been gone for a few years. They have to be your family or your very best friends, and even then there's no guarantee. And this is in the age of email, Skype, FaceTime, and WhatsApp. They drill into us in training that we need to keep reminding our home churches that we exist, with a multitude of letters, blog posts, conversations, or even physically bringing over teams to see what we're doing. That's how powerful the need for relevance is. You don't communicate a lot, you don't exist. You don't exist, sooner or later you don't get support. And Moses is gone for 40 years. He's a footnote for the people that loved him best, a file in the Egyptian criminal court system, and absolutely nothing at all for anyone else. He could be dead, and they wouldn't know.
• Roots: For better or worse, Moses has made a life in Midian. He has a wife, kids, and a new adoptive family. He's got sheep. They probably have names. In other words he's put down roots. He's no deliverer, but he's learned how to live with that. He's learned the art of treating sheep diseases and helping them to give birth. He's learned how to sleep outside, how to read the desert for signs of life and water. He's learned to be a husband and dad, and for 40 years, that's been what he knows. And God is calling him to leave all that. 
• Insecurity: Have you ever failed publicly and spectacularly at something and then stepped out to risk it again? When I was a teenager, I totaled my first car. That very evening, my dad made me drive someone to their house in his truck. He knew that if I waited the fear would grow, and that it would be harder for me to get back behind the wheel. Failure and time to dwell on it would make me timid. Was I angry with him? Yes. Was it the best thing for me to do in the moment? Yes. But Moses has been gone for 40 years, with nothing but time on his hands to think about his failure--to think about his people languishing in slavery because he had acted rashly. Additionally, he's been in a different tribal group. However good his Hebrew was before, he's out of practice now. His Egyptian too is probably lacking. He's grown used to different customs and different food, and he has probably forgotten most of what he ever knew before. How in the world is he supposed to handle this?
• Fear: The last time Moses was in Egypt, he was under murder charges. Now he's being called back to go to the country where he's wanted for murder. It's going to be one man versus a whole country. On top of that, he is supposed to waltz up to Pharaoh, the embodiment of a god, and demand that he free the slaves on whom the entire economy of his kingdom is based. It is an impossible task, and certainly a great risk to Moses' very life. 
• Unwillingness: Moses just doesn't want to go. He'd rather God send anyone else--anyone at all. At the heart of it, he simply doesn't believe in what God wants him to do, and he puts out several different excuses for not going before saying to God, "Please send someone else."

Basically, Moses is spectacularly unqualified for the position. He's a screwed up bundle of faithlessness and insecurity and fear. Many of us would probably say that he isn't called. My mission agency probably wouldn't send him (I'm being generous with "probably"). He looks like a great example of someone being set up for failure. If past performance is an indication of future success, then Moses is a big fat zero.

What does this say about the call--about serving God? I think part of it is that God does call us to things with which we have no experience, or even things to which our personalities may not be suited. He calls to the impossible, to the pain, to the risks. How then can I test my call? By my suitedness, or my willingness, or my enjoyment of the task?

No. Only this: did God say, "Go!"? And everything flows from there.

Weird places, weird people

Hi guys,

I am currently updating from the living room, where J and I are watching Nacho Libre, to the tune of cackles (J loves this movie). Today I went to Guanajuato to buy Christmas presents, and I ended up talking for about two hours with this guy in the street. It was interesting. He kept asking questions about the Bible, and then he'd interrupt me to tell me I have beautiful eyes--that he had never seen eyes more beautiful ("My mom's are better, trust me"). He kept poking my knee, then he put his hand over mine and asked, "What do you feel?" 

"Weird." I tried to move my hand, but his moved with mine.

"What do you really feel?"

"Uncomfortable." He backed off at that point.

A couple of minutes later he said, "You were hurt before, by someone who has the same eyes as me."

"No." 

"Don't lie! You were hurt by someone with my eyes, and that's why you were showing fear."

"Really, it's actually sufficient that I'm talking to a strange man in the street, in a city I don't live in."

"Oh. That's right."

Sometimes I just take these situations and run with them for curiosity's sake. I did get to share the gospel with him, and he actually knew a lot of stuff from the Gospels. He asked me to explain the Parable of the Sower, so I got to ask him what kind of soil he was. 

I have basically embraced the idea that my life is going to include an awful lot of weirdness, and  have chosen just to go with it.

Well hello there

Last Wednesday I got my hair dyed grey because I can, and it worked wonderfully for a birthday costume party that I attended on Saturday (forest fairy makeup included above). There were some definite moments of "You're not in America anymore," for example, when I saw the cake, which had roman candles stuck in it, tilted toward the children. Or when we arrived, and the hosts were dressed as cannibals (black body suits, grass skirts, afros, and blackface--legit blackface). I can't make this stuff up. The redeeming thing is that there's not the same history here as in the US, so here it really just was a costume, with no meaning behind it. Nobody thought anything of it. But it was weird. Super weird.

I did get to share with a lady at the party, and she asked for my number, so it would be amazing if something comes of that.

Anyway, yeah, life here is weird. Just felt like sharing that.

3 things

3 things I am grateful for today:

• A van that carries me from point A to point B
• Learning how to get around better and feeling more confident about knowing where I am in new parts of the city
• Meeting with Mr. C and the group for training, and actually understanding most of the conversation

3 things

3 things I am grateful for from yesterday:

• The relatively straightforward system of medical testing here

• Goofy team dudes

• My glasses look good on pretty much everyone

3 things

3 things I'm grateful for today:

• Understanding and insight from J

• long phone call with O

• iMessaging with my mom